At this moment, I should be continuing my writing on a search paper on how Freud and Simone de Beauvoir can be used as lens to interpret "The Yellow Wallpaper"...but, instead I decided to write a little bit here, loosen up my fingers a bit and open my writing zone...

Only 12 days until I return home to Baton Rouge. God, I'm so ready...I love Rhodes and I love the friends that I have really grown to know and love this semester (basically, Ariel and my AOII little, Lisa)...but I am such a homebody (as demonstrated by how I hole myself up in my room...it is my haven, my home) that I could do some serious damage right now if it could get me back to Louisiana...
The Saints are 11-0...I never thought that I would see a season like this, though I love my Saints so very much...I mean, I loved them even when they had that stupid Aron Brooks (god, that smile that he would give when he screwed up...I still can see it clear as day in my mind...)...but it has been the most amazing thing to watch--that Patriots game was the highlight of my life...
And when I return to BR, I will maybe get to attend the Saints/Cowboys game...that's still uncertain, but the day before I will most definitely be attending the Benjy Davis Project concert at the Varsity with the man, and frankly, joy of my life, Matt...(Admitting things like that is strangely hard for me...maybe it's because I didn't think that I would find someone that I loved like this for a long time...)

Because of some strange wrinkle in the universe, I turned in a Pref sheet and was elected to the AOII office of Vice President of Administration...I think that I can do a decent job in the office, and I think that it will be a good presence in my life...though, I'm not pleased about the officer thing they have planned for the week of MLK weekend...I'm not giving up my trips to Arkansas for this position...no way--

Speaking of, I haven't been at Rhodes for a weekend in a month...

In other news, my patience with my roommate is getting thinner and thinner...I pray often for the patience to handle her...but I can't stand the constant immaturity, the twisted notions of men and relationships that she throws on me, the strange awe and almost seemily mocking love that she showers me with....
And dear god. I can't handle hearing that stupid, annoying Miley Cyrus song as a wake up call again.
Half of the things she tells me contains worthless information, tidbits of her day that she cares about but I do not, and quite frankly, I think she knows that I don't...the other half is the intimate things that other people put into her trust, which are now my secrets too--though, I never asked them to be...
And she is using my socks without asking me. No. Just no.
Of course, I'm probably blowing every incident out of proportion now, considering that I reached my limit and can no longer truly think absolutely clearly about the situation...I just need a single...I have daydreams of my own wonderful single...
Where Matt could stay without Claire sitting right over next to us the entire day...

Claire has changed since last year. She has a falseness about her now that makes me dislike her more each day...there is rarely a moment when I feel just her genuine person again...she has very little understading of the concept of "friend" and so has the strangest relationships with people...she spends just about all day primping herself...and tends to make this weird bump on the top of her head with her hair...her music often times makes me want to shoot myself and she doesn't like to just put in her headphones, even though I do that to spare her from my truthfully odd array of 60's, folk, and randomness...she has this terrible fixation on appearance, which I had noticed last year, but had never seen pour forth like thi syear. Everything is based on beauty...and I'm convinced the only reason that she even likes me as much as she does is because she thinks I'm pretty and loves how thin I am...nothing is more awkward then her standing there, holding my arms, staring at me, telling me how beautiful I am and how I'm so skinny and fragile and she loves me...god, it has happened so much this semester that I have realized that I don't even look at her face anymore, because I want to distance my self from that stare, that strange stare, that I don't know how to interepret or understand...and I don't want to even hear her anymore because of that laugh, the laugh that is really a cry for attention, followed by words bubbling with laughter that have this tone that has made my ears want to bleed, a tone of trying desparately hard for some kind of acknowledgment, so fake and ugly...
And I can't even begin to explain or describe the things I hear her say about men...I think that a true relationship with a man is something so beautiful, so special...getting to know someone well enough to perhaps love them, to make them so important in your life that your happiness and desires are tied with their own...and I respect the differences of men...I also know what I expect in a man that I would want to date, a man I would considered a good person...though my views are obviously not completely college typical (at least from what I have seen...but I don't delve into people's relationships often...), Claire manages to obscure the entire notion of relationship, even at it's most basic level, and treat men as these strange, unrelatable beings and divided into two groups: the beautiful and the not beautiful...again, that fixation and total focus on looks, and so very little concentration on the actual person...it's infurating to listen to, every single day...and as I try to explain that I look at things different, don't tell me, I am only given more and more...
Among all this, she has very little respect for my relationship with Matt. She recognizes how much he means to me--if I am very honest, he is my best friend...which I suppose is a dangerous thing, basing such friendship on the person that you could lose romantically--and yet she says degrading things about him in front of me, looking very little who he really is...he isn't some redneck from Arkansas...Matt is a complicated person, who holds a lot to his heart, quiet and reserved because he doesn't trust the world with what he holds...this is actually one of the things I love about him, and she only comments on how he should change...

And she takes all of my food. God, she can go through some food.

Thus, Claire and I have very little to truly talk about. We can't really talk about boys because she doens't like mine and I don't understand her preception...can't talk music or tv or books or classes because we have such vastly different tastes, and not even in a way that we can find a relation of respect for our difference...can't talk about friends because Claire surrounds herself with pseudo-friends and I only have my few close ones which don't really associate with hers...and we especially can't talk about life, home, family. We are presented with such different situations, and god knows that I sympathize for her circumstances, but I can't handle hearing everyone of her family's most personal problems, especially since I am left knowing that I can't give her any adivce because I am blessed with a very stable, reliable, loving family from imidiate to extended...I can't help that my father is a doctor and we are able to afford certain things...but I tend to sense a jealously that makes me uncomfortable...I don't ever, ever want to flaunt my family's money...but she brings up things about what I can buy and what she can't, leaving me feel guilty for something I can't control...
If Claire would get past appearances, I think she would question why she even hangs out with me.

Well, I have done an excellent job of wasting a great deal of time...and I'm not going to lie, it felt so wonderful to write down the jumble of feelings I have over my living situation...
But, I have to enlighten some people about why Freud gives off a sexist vibe. I mean, have you read some of his stuff? :)
I live in the dream of the end of the semester, of my schedule being magically worked out, and my six hour drive flying by...

And so we go....